Confronting People

    I have often been tempted and succumbed to the temptation of communicating my displeasure with other people's behavior or to try and convince them to change their ways through letters or email.  I have done this because letters and email allow me to list everything I want to say which I'm afraid I won't have the opportunity to do face to face.  Letters and email allow me to communicate my displeasure without worrying about the other person reaction while I am communicating.  Although I have often made a great deal of effort to state the facts as clearly as possible I rarely have succeeded in convincing the other person of my point of view.  People often filter what they read especially if it is critical of their behavior.  By filter I mean they find ways to reject what they don't like as wrong or unfair even if it is correct and fair.

      Communicating about problems one has with someone else, by the written word almost always does not persuade the other person but instead creates misunderstandings and gets them angry and hostile.   Worst of all it gives that hostile and angry person written evidence that they can use against you.   The best thing to do when one is upset with someone's behavior is to allow oneself to cool off and then to talk about it with them face to face in as affectionate way as possible..

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