When I read in the news about sexual predators who seduce girls over the internet and think about my friends who are nice decent guys and can't attract anyone I ask myself, what is it that these sexual predators know that my friends don't know? I give several stories below and then discuss the lessons we can learn from them.
Recently I read an article which quoted a girl, Katie Tarbox, who was seduced on the internet about how she was seduced.
For the first six months of their AOL chat-room romance, the lonely teen thought her cyber-soulmate was just a sweet and understanding 23-year-old Californian named "Mark." He turned out to be 41 year old Frank Kufrovich.
He cared about me," she writes in her startling memoir about the experience, "Katie.com."
He listened to my feelings. And he always supported me with encouragement and advice.
I was chatting with a girl on the train who was telling me how she had a wonderful boyfriend and the reasons she gave were similar to those of Katie Tarbox. She explained that her boyfriend would listen to her as she told him about her day and that no detail was too unimportant. She said that he supported her emotionally, that when she was discouraged he'd encourage her, that when she cried he would make her laugh and that when she was insecure about her being attractive to him or whether he wanted someone else he would reassure her that she was the only girl he wanted.
The Ad Council and the Center For Exploited Children posted an Ad in which a Sexual Predator speaks about how he gets his prey. The text of the ad is something like:
Meeting teen girls online is easy
All you really have to do is go into a chat room and start talking
Once we start chatting I act as cool as possible.
The more we chat the more they trust me.
When they send their picture I tell them how hot they are.
After I convince them we're soul mates I ask to meet them in person.
Once that happens, well that’s when things get really interesting.
There's a lesson here for us nice guys. He acts as cool as possible when he starts chatting and builds up trust. He doesn't immediately ask them out or make sexual statements. He acts cool.
Men are not the only predators out there. When looking for the text of the above ad on the internet I came across a news item about a man chatted online with a woman, known on her MySpace.com profile as “Natalia”, for two weeks before deciding to meet with her. He says her profile showed sexy photos, and a blurb which said “just lookin’ for something fun”. "Natalie" was a trap. When he went to meet her a teen girl put a gun to his head and he was robbed. There's a lesson here for women, if they look sexy enough to attract men they don't have to say much and if they just say "lookin for fun" they are not threatening. Just trying to have a good time on dates is a good way to be attractive to your partner.
The Seduction of Amber Frey
Scott Peterson was tried for the murder of his pregnant wife. He is suspected of murdering her so that he could be with his girlfriend Amber Frey. He kept his marriage secret from her. Amber Frey testified at the trial about how he seduced her. According to the New York Post:
Peterson first took her to an intimate dinner at a fancy sushi bar, where he paid extra for a private room, she said. He then asked her to come back to his room at the Radisson Hotel so that he could change. He wasn't wearing a wedding ring, Frey said.
Once in the room, he suddenly produced a bottle of champagne and box of strawberries from his leather bag.
"He put one [strawberry] in each of our glasses," Frey said...
The pair then wen to a karaoke bar, where they slow-danced, nuzzled affectionately and then shared a single, passionate kiss.
They returned to his hotel room a short time later and made love, Frey said...
On their second date, he carried her 22 month old daughter while they went hiking, and later that day, he presented the girl with a children's book.
Then he cooked seafood lasagna with wine before he and Frey had sex again.
"He made the comment that there would be many more corks ... many more bottles to share. Frey said.
The next day, Frey said she gave Peterson a car seat and the key to her house and asked him to pick up her daughter at day care.
"He said he would be honored," recalled Frey, who returned home to find him warming up the previous night's dinner.
Then all three went out to buy a Christmas tree and after decorating it, Frey and Peterson had sex for a third time.
Sexual predators who seduce women over the internet act a certain way to do so. One of my main points about attracting women is it's important not to put on an act but to be yourself. How does one reconcile the obvious contradiction between the success of these sexual predators who act and my argument that acting is counterproductive?
I think the answer is that if pretending to be a certain way helps you attract woman then maybe instead of pretending to be that way you should try to actually be that way. Instead of pretending to care about her, don't date her unless you care about her and then show her your care by being a good listener and by being supportive. Instead of pretending to be her friend be her friend. If she asks you to help out express your happiness to help. If she's upset cheer her up, try and make her laugh. Instead of pretending to be cool, be cool. Try and be the qualities you admire. Instead of lying to gain her trust be someone she can trust. Be affectionate. Treat her like she is special because she is special to you. Don't try and have sex with with her until you both have feelings for each other and trust each other.
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