I have a very intelligent and nice friend who told me about
a date he had. He had joined an Ivy League dating service and was shocked to find
that his date was gorgeous. He became very nervous. What interest would such a
girl have in him he asked himself? He didn't have the muscles of Arnold
Schwartznegger. He didn't have anywhere near the money of Bill Gates. He
sipped his wine nervously to calm himself down and then took another sip. Pretty
soon he was tipsy. When he drove Miss Universe home she told him to let her off
several blocks away from her home. That was the last he heard of her.
He recounted this story to me and my girlfriend. She told him he didn't have to have the money of Bill Gates or the muscles of Arnold Schwartznegger. She said that women want men who will treat them like a Queen. So my friend was making the mistake of feeling inadequate for not being more successful and stronger and the mistake of being anxious instead of focussing on treating his date well and trying to see to it that she had a good time.
Nobody is attracted to someone who feels inadequate and who is anxious. I suggested to him that since he is so nervous the most important thing he focus on, on a date is relaxing. He needs to realize that he doesn't have to be Superman, being himself is good enough. Then he should try and have fun and see to it that his date have a good time. That is just one reason she would then have to want to spend time with him. I explained that the worst thing he can do is feel anxious and inadequate.
Self esteem is discussed further in the self help section of this web site.
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