When someone we were in love with leaves us it can lead to the broken record syndrome.  By that I mean that we keep thinking over in our heads "She left me" and that keeps getting us more and more upset.  If we are angry about it it makes us more angry if we feel sad about it, it makes us more sad and so on.  What is the motivation to think about something that makes us more and more upset?  One motivation may be that we want the person back and by thinking about the person we are trying to find a way to get them back.  

    I have a friend who was recently cut off by the man she loves and she became very upset and called me tearfully and hysterically about it.   I told her that thinking about it all the time is just going to make her more and more upset.  I asked her if  she is  thinking about him all the time because she wants to get him back and she hesitated and then said yes.  I told her that she'll be less upset if she tries to think that she will find someone some day who will love her (positive displacement).

 

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