Learning Social Skills from Experience:  In life it is often difficult to get feedback on what we are doing wrong.  If one goes on a date and is rejected the person who did the rejecting rarely tells us the real reason why, either because he/she doesn't know or because he/she doesn't want a confrontation or he/she doesn't want to hurt our feelings.  How are we to learn what we are doing wrong if we are not told what we are doing wrong?  We can try and remember what we did before a negative or a positive response from someone and write it down.   Starting to observe other peoples reactions to one's behavior is a big step in the right direction.  Also observing what we liked is important.  If we had a conversation with someone who was enthusiastically interested about what we do for a living, and we liked that, then we can learn a lesson from this.  The next time we speak to someone we can show some enthusiastic interest in what they do. 

    Although women who have rejected me often have not told me the reason why, women friends of mine have often told me why they rejected other men.   This is one way to learn what not to do.  I've heard "he called me the next day", "he told me all about his problems", "he doesn't have a car", "He never pays on the date" "he's constantly criticizing me" and so on.  I've also heard men complain about women and one can learn from that as well.  One can learn from what one doesn't like in a woman.    If one doesn't like a woman to behave in a certain way then probably women won't like oneself to behave that way either.

Advice from Others:    My women friend's have been helpful on occasion in telling me how I can make myself more attractive to other women.  One told me I needed to stand up straight.  I wasn't aware that I wasn't standing up straight.   Another woman told me that if I am interested in a woman I should be persistent in going after her.  I had always had the philosophy that if a woman didn't seem that interested I should leave her alone.  My woman friend said that woman are excited by men who show persistent interest.  She said that unless the woman I am interested in makes it clear that she is not interested, I should keep trying.  She said that women like men who show persistent interest. 

    It has been my experience that sometimes women are more interested in men who show less interest.  I had an acquaintance who said he was in a van with a group of other men and a very attractive woman.  He said that he ignored her but the other men went after her.  She wound up rejecting them but dating him. 

    Another problem I have with showing persistent interest unless one gets a clear message is that one can come across as a harassing stalker if one doesn't get the hint.  It's difficult for many women to give men a clear message of rejection.  Most would rather reject men by failing to return their phone calls. 

    Sometimes people do tell us what we did wrong.   It is important not to simply take it as an insult and reject it but consider it.  I have a friend who pesters people.  She calls them up again and again.  A friend of hers told her that the reason people hate her is because she pesters them.  He was telling her the truth.  She reacted though, by assuming that her friend hated her instead of considering the validity of what he was saying.  Sometimes people do tell us what we are doing wrong.  Some of us might not want to hear it and reject their comments.   It's important to consider any criticism objectively in case it is constructive.  

Complaints from Others:  Sometimes people complain about how other people are treating them and from that one can draw a lesson.  After a singles event a woman friend of mine complained that a man she was talking to said how he hated the city and how he hated to travel.  She said she lives in the city and is a travel agent and she doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone who is so negative.  Negativity is a big turnoff.  That is one lesson I learned by hearing others complain about their experiences with the opposite sex. 

Last Statements:  It's good to try and remember the last statement one made or the last action one took before that attractive girl one was talking to at last nights party walked away.  I noticed one time I coughed a few times before she walked away.  That's a tipoff that next time I should take a decongestant and cough drops before going to a party.  Another time it was when I tried to introduce the girl to another girl I knew. 

 


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