Communication Games:  One concern people have is how interested to appear to each other.  I have two friends who I tried to set up with each other.   I convinced the man to call the woman and he did and they had a conversation and he asked her if she'd like to get together.  She said that would be nice.  I spoke with him and he said that she didn't seem that interested.  A week later she called me up and complained that he hadn't called to make definite plans.  It seems like she was becoming insulted about it.  I called him and he said he hadn't called because he didn't want to appear to eager. 

   Some women believe that the man should call them.   I met a woman who gave me her number and I called her.  She said she was busy and to call later.  I said you can call me back later and she said, call me back later.  I did and she said she might be able to get together with me the weekend after next and to call her the following week.  I was upset when she wouldn't call me back the first time and instead told me to call her.  The message I am receiving is that she is domineering, she likes to tell me what to do and she isn't willing to even lift up the phone to call me.  I'm not worth it to her.  It may be that she is acting this way because she believes that a man is supposed to do the calling and that it is not a negative attitude on her part, I don't know.  As a result though I do not want to get involved with this person.

    At a singles event I heard a woman complain how men give out their business cards to woman and tell them to call.  She complained that she is traditional and wants the men to call her.  She said to me "Are you men so afraid of rejection that you can't call".  I personally feel that calling women and constantly lied to politely until I get the message is less preferable then giving them my number and letting them decide whether to call back or not.  That way I don't bother them if they are not interested and I don't have to be humiliated.  I think the complaining woman didn't like having to experience with men what men experience with women.

    Unfortunately communication games are encourage by books such as The Rules*.    Communication games result in misunderstandings.   People are not being themselves they are acting the way they think will help and often it results in the other person being insulted.  On the other hand one has to be aware what the other person wants so that one doesn't invade their space and antagonize them.

* I am not totally against the book The Rules, it encourages women to take pride in themselves and to show it through their actions and that's a good thing.  When a women has pride in herself and shows that she is not helpless and dependent that makes her attractive to men.  I'm sure that if a man takes pride in himself that makes him more attractive to women as well.

    Communication is discussed further on the communication web page of this web site.

Paying for the Date:  Male friends of mine have complained that the woman didn't offer to pay.  A man can view a woman's not offering to pay as a sign that she is not willing to give to the relationship and just expects him to serve her.  Female friends of mine have complained that after they offered to pay the man said OK.  If you want to make a good impression on a date and you're a man pay for the date or at least cover most of the cost.  If you're a woman offer to pay (at least offer to pay the tip).

 


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