In the movie Keeping up with the Steins the grandfather gives advice to his grandson  He tells him that he doesn’t want to hurt his feelings but that he’s a terrible flirter that he talks without letting the girl get a word in edgewise.  He explains that you should make the girl feel beautiful and I think he says you should show you’re interested in what she has to say.  I learned more from him about flirting than from my real grandfather.

   Don Diebel in his Succeed with Women newsletter 6/6/04 wrote that if you're interested in a woman try and make eye contact with her and if you do make eye contact, smile and look away.  Don't keep staring at her.  He said if she smiles back approach her and say "Hi".  He writes: 

What really amazes me is these guys at the nightclubs that don't even flirt with women.  They just stare into space or look down at the floor.  If they do accidentally catch the eye of a woman, they look away as quickly as possible and let it go at that

   I have problems with Don Deibel's advice even though it probably works initially and even though I've written an entire web page about the power of a smile.  If you smile at someone and it doesn't come from the heart you are acting and faking and I think that if you don't feel it the girl may pick up on it.  If you succeed in attracting the girl, but don't feel the smile, you're being manipulative.  You're sending a signal that you really don't feel.   If you feel like smiling at a girl, I'm all for doing that.  Since smiling is likely to leading to success in attracting the opposite sex it is worthwhile to consider the message you are sending when you smile.  I think the message is, "I like you" and "you're beautiful".  I think there is also a message of self confidence because someone who lacked self confidence would be afraid to look a girl in the eye and smile at her.  It's worthwhile to ask oneself when one sees a woman who one is interested in, if that is the feeling one has.  Is it "I like you" or something like "I don't like you, in fact I hate women, they have betrayed me and cheated on me and rejected me, but you're gorgeous and I want to have sex with you?"  I would argue that if you can get yourself into a frame of mind where you are willing to give women the benefit of the doubt and have a positive outlook toward them, the smile might come naturally.

   A single woman emailed Don Diebel with her advice on how to meet single women.  She wrote that it's good to memorize jokes and to tell a girl one when you meet her.  She said that it's good to leave her at that point so she doesn't think of you as a threat.  She advises to go back a half hour later and tell her another joke or compliment her in some way.  She suggested saying that you admire her perfume and would like to know what it is so you can get it for your sister.  She stressed it's important not to appear sexually threatening and in the beginning not to hang around more than five minutes.  She said you want to be identified as a friend. 

   The last piece of advice that I give below comes from my mistakes.  I sometimes have treated a hot babe totally inappropriately because I didn't know who I was dealing with.  If one acts toward a hottie as if she is a girl from high school and then finds out she's the head of a big corporation besides being embarrassed one is unlikely to make a good impression.  It is also important to be aware of one's setting.  At an important meeting one acts differently than in a casual situation. 

 


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