One dilemma many of us males face at one point or another is whether or not we should ask a girl for her number.  I was in at a singles party where I found myself in a conversation with a very attractive woman who was beaming at me and looked like she really liked me.  I was afraid to ask her for her number because I had just met her and was afraid of coming on too strong too fast.  I was afraid of making a bad impression and appearing desperate and undignified by asking for her number.  I have never seen her since that party and have regretted not asking her for her number ever since.

   There is a song from the musical South Pacific, Some Enchanted Evening which has the words

Some enchanted evening
when you find your true love
when you feel her call you
across a crowded room
then fly to her side
and make her your own
or all through your life
you may dream all alone

    If you fly to her side and she says get lost at least you tried.  I realize now that if a woman is clearly interested in me and I am interested in her I should ask for her number.  If she shows some sign of interest and you're not sure whether it's time to ask her out it's good to at least respond with a smile.  If you don't respond with anything because you're afraid showing that kind of interest will spark rejection, that lack of response can lead to rejection.  At least that's how I interpret one experience I had with a girl where I was so afraid of coming on too strong that I just behaved like a friend even when she showed some romantic interest in me.  Her dating interest fizzled out quickly after that, in fact she didn't even want to spend time with me as a friend after that.

    There are however, ways to ask someone out that are more likely to be successful than others.  Don Diebel wrote about this in his best selling book "A Man's Guide to Women" at: http://www.getgirls.com/manguide.htm.   He wrote:

The bad way to ask a girl out is, "Would you like to out with me? By saying this:

1. You set yourself up for rejection. She might say no.

2. You imply that she would be doing you a favor by going out with
you.

3. You imply a formal date. You are making a move on her. The
pressure is on her.

4. If she says "No," you are never sure whether to ask her again for
another time. Was it, "No, I don't want to go out with you," or "No,
I want to go out with you but I'm busy that night."

5. You literally sound like a junior high kid asking a girl out on
his first date.

The right way to ask a girl out on a date is "Let's get together and
do something sometime." Memorize these words! By saying this, you
give the impression of a casual meeting. No big deal. Friends
getting to know each other. Not a formal date. If you say this, her
response will let you know whether she wants to date you or not.

If she is interested, she will respond in the positive, but also her
tone will be positive. The expression on her face will be positive.
She may even lead the conversation to making a specific time to do
something. If you do get a positive response, you can either pursue
the conversation and arrange to meet on a casual date or leave it
until the next time you meet. You know she wants to get together and
she will be waiting, now that you have teased her with talk of a date
but offered no specific plans. You are being elusive and playing hard
to get. Her anticipation works in your favor.

The beauty of using this exact phrase is:

1. You are not set up for rejection. After all, you have not really
asked her out on a date. You've made a statement.

2. You are throwing out an offer. The implication is that you are
doing her a favor. She is not doing you a favor by going out with
you. It implies a casual get-together to get to know each other, not
a formal date.

3. You know for sure whether she wants to date you or not.

4. You aren't asking her. You are making a statement, which says
something about you. You are the type of person that likes to do
things with friends, and of course she would like to participate.
After all, there is not pressure. You are a confident, friendly,
fun-loving person who is doing things.

   Don Deibel's clearly thinks it is not a good idea to imply to someone you want to go out with that they would be doing you a favor by going out with you.  That's true in the sense that you don't want to project that you have low self esteem and are begging the person to go out with you.  That's fatal when it comes to asking someone out.  I personally am attracted to women who are self confident and there are many women who say that they want a man who has confidence.  It makes sense though that conveying to a woman that it would be wonderful if she would go out with you, and in that sense it would be a favor, would make the proposition more attractive to her.   On the other hand there is a risk of coming on too strong.

 

 


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