Michael Webb, Author of The Romantic's Guide, wrote in his E-zine Just Between Us, Secrets of Blissful Relationships how

It was amazing to me that men who wouldn't brush their teeth or comb their hair were frustrated that they couldn't get women to go out with them. 

   The Wierd but True section of the New York Post (4/19/04) had this enlightening item:

Never mind working on the pecs-guys - it's your shoes that impress women!

Footwear outranks body and personality, according to a survey by the Mates condom company.

Four out of five women said shoes were what they looked for, and two out of three said style and cleanliness are important indicators of what a man is like both in and out of bed.

   Richard Johnson wrote about "Britney's wild night on town" in the New York Post on Feb 8, 2007.  He wrote:

A source told Page Six that one of the people who followed her from Marquee to Tenjune ("described as "a scruffy-looking guy") was "hitting on her all night, but she wouldn't even look at him....Then a model guy came to her table and she started making out with him."

    Take home lesson, if you want Britney, don't look scruffy.  Luckily I don't want Britney.

   In his best-selling book, "Success Is A Choice," Boston Celtic basketball
coach Rick Pitino stresses the importance of making a good first impression
through a good appearance. Pitino feels it is critical that if you're
serious about getting ahead you should always try to look your best -- even
in casual environments. How you look, how you dress, how well groomed you
are, are often the first impressions anyone has of you, Pitino says. This
does not mean making a fashion statement or appearing on any best-dressed
list, he adds. It simply means trying to capture the essence of being
organized.

    How you dress is your perception of yourself, Pitino says, and you should
never forget for a second that people form opinions of you based on that.
What you're trying to do is make a habit out of being physically and
mentally ready to make a great first impression anywhere you are, Pitino
advises. Your goal, he says, should be to present yourself in the best
possible light. What you should try to accomplish is to come across as
yourself, while also giving off the impression that you have your act
together, that you are someone with discipline.

    You never know when someone is watching you and forming a first impression,
Pitino says. This happens all the time -- in elevators, in cafeterias, at
meetings and conferences. People see you in certain situations and make
judgements about you that could affect your career based on very little
knowledge: what you wear, how you act, how you carry yourself, what attitude
you convey, he adds.

    The first thing people see before they talk to you or hear you talk to them, is your appearance. 

  Our appearance is affected by our mood.  If we're happier we're more likely to smile and there's nothing that makes a person's appearance more beautiful than a smile.  That doesn't mean that if we want to look good we should go around grinning all the time.  That's a great way to appear mentally unstable. If we smile it should come from the heart and not because we want to be attractive.

    An attractive young woman I  know told me that one of the reasons she broke up with her boyfriend was his orange sweater.  She said he always wore the same sweater and it wasn't some neutral color, it was orange.  She explained that she understood that everyone has favorite clothes but this was too much.   Left to my own devices I always wear my favorite sweater.  (I didn't tell her that).  In fact I used to wear my favorite orangish yellow university sweatshirt all the time (except when it was in the wash when I put on my favorite blue university sweatshirt).  I found out later that a girl wouldn't date me because of my appearance, she thought I didn't have any self respect.  Self respect had nothing to do with it I just liked that sweatshirt. 

    Now I'm married and my wife makes sure that I don't wear the same clothes two days in a row.  I met her years after my love affair with my orange yellow shirt.  If I was still wearing that shirt I might still be single.   Now women like me.  Maybe my wife would be smarter keeping me orange.

  I remember thinking that a woman I saw wearing rags looked gorgeous partly because of the sexy holes in the clothes. I guess the lesson here is that if you're a woman who wants to attract men or at least Cave Men like me, you don't have to look civilized but if you're a man trying to attract women you do.  Oh the injustice of it all. 

   A little thing like wearing contacts instead of glasses can make a big difference.  A little bit of hair gel can change the wild man of Borneo into a civilized looking bloke.

    Posture is important.  Many of us crouch in front of desks or computers all day and if we keep that crouch when we stand it looks bad.  A woman friend of mine told me that I do that and that it makes me look as if I don't have any self esteem.  She said that makes me unattractive to women. 

    I occasionally read magazines such as Glamour, because I have become interested in topics such as what makes people attracted to each other.   For one article the female author asked men how they felt about changes she could make in her appearance.  The general rule she came up with was that men are more attracted to the subtle than to the extreme.  Applied to clothing that would mean clothes that show a little but not a lot.  Applied to makeup that would mean put on some makeup but don't paint yourself.  Applied to perfume that would mean you don't want men to smell you from a mile away.

    I personally like women with long hair who put their hair down.   There is a woman at my work who I find unattractive when she puts her hair up but gorgeous when she puts her hair down.  It's as if she changed into another woman.  According to a news item in the New York Post (Friday June 2, 2000) I'm not the only one who feels this way.  According to the news item,

Warner Brothers banned the young stars of "Felicity", "Dawson's Creek", and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" from cutting their hair short.  Network brass issued the edict in response to "Felicity" star Keri Russell's chopping her locks last season, which sent fans into a fury-and ratings into the toilet... Viewers responded by tuning out in droves.

    After women get married they often cut their hair short since it's a nuisance to take care of long hair and they've already got their man.  Some stop watching their weight because they've already got their man.   That's a big mistake.  I met a man who divorced his wife and said that was one of the reasons.  Even if one's husband remains loyal if one wants a marriage to be happy one has to work on keeping one's spouse happy and one way to do that is to stay attractive.

    Both men and women prefer that the opposite sex not be overweight.  There is a section in this web site with thoughts about dieting.

   Women have told me they prefer to date men who are taller than they are.  A woman told me that she doesn't want to have to look down to see her man.  Does that mean that short men should only try dating short women?  If you're Tom Cruise absolutely not.  He's married to Katie Holmes who as a teenager on the show Dawson's Creek was a very attractive girl.  Don Diebel the author of an advice column about dating says there are women who will date men shorter than themselves and that he had dated women who were taller than him.  He doesn't think men should rule out taller women.  Women who our very tall may have the opposite problem, that men won't date them.  A very tall woman told me that in high school she had no dates because of that.  Even so there are men who date taller women so she shouldn't rule them out either.

    If you can wear lenses instead glasses it may make a big difference in one's appearance.  Glasses in addition to looking unattractive can create unattractive rings in one's face.

    People usually treat people better when they look better.  My girlfriend told me that when she put on makeup, and made her hair look nice and dressed well she was treated much better by salesmen in a store she went to than when she went to the same store without worrying about her appearance. 

    In addition to being judged by the way we look we are judged by the way we sound.   If we are depressed or anxious or discouraged that comes across in our tone of voice.
 


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